ACL recovery consists of 5 stages:

phase	goals	my timeline
pre-op	pre-hab preparing for surgery	November 2023 – March 2024, 3.5 months
early	↓ swelling ↑ quad activation/control normalize walking achieve “quiet knee”	March – Oct, 8 months
mid	introduce running	Nov – January 2025, 3 months
late	return to play progression	January – May, 5 months
performance	ramp up playing volume, strength, and endurance	May 2025

A collection of journal excerpts as I return to play:

May 9, 2025
On November 18, 2023 I tore my ACL.
About a year and a half later, am I returning to sport?
The sport that continues to shape me, change my life, that I deeply believe is the best sport in the world, and the sport that I’ve redefined my relationship with in this version of me.
I continue to have aspirations to the highest levels of sport, in a different, chasing excellence way, not in a toxic perfectionist way.

If I choose to cleat up tomorrow, the #1 goal is to soak up the gratitude and joy to play.

For the last 18 months, I have been aching to play, to move, to feel like my old self, and tomorrow may be a taste of what that felt like.

Let’s be kind.

I have worked so hard for another chance of this. To take the field again, to compete, to challenge myself.
I have gone through a big challenge and it’s not over yet.

May 11, 2025
18 months post ACL tear.
The night before, I kept tossing and turning. So many things running through my head – perfectionist event management I suppose, how to be a good coach, do I have everything I need? 192 games, 35 teams, 18 fields, 9 staff, 3 divisions.
3 roles: 1) tournament director 2) coach platypus 3) play with Big Cats

When I celebrate the weekend, I thought, “Whoa, I am the tournament director, my team beat seed and won universe over a CUC team, Koda, and I played good and smart Ultimate for the first time post ACL tear, alongside teammates of 6 years, who won the tournament. 🙂
I TD’d, coached, and picked up with the winning team?
Am I a superhero?

–

As I warmed up, I felt a queasiness in my stomach.
The moment I’ve been aching for every day for the past 18 months. I had been building an anxious narrative in my head – does this team even want me? Will I have to prove myself? Am I ready? I was so afraid of failure and rejection.
I felt incredibly tense in the weeks leading up to TUX.
A few conversations helped me reframe.
Playing for fun, rising to the challenge, trusting my body, being graceful, gentle, and kind with myself.
–
As I warmed up, there were no other excuses. No team to coach, no tournament or staff to direct.
Am I ready?
I got my movement prep in. Am I ready? Butterflies.
Sprints. Omg is this really happening?
Change of direction sprints. I think Im’ ready. I feel good. I mean 90, 95% good, but good.

Tears come to my eyes, my love of the sport and appreciation of all the effort that went into getting to that moment…

thinking of the times I wasn’t sure I’d get back to sport, doubting surgery, wondering when I’d get strong… All culminated with taking the field with Big Cats.
What. a. fucking. moment.

To all the injured and recovering
grieving broken dreams and bodies
may this be a beacon of hope
that healing is not done in isolation but in community.
It’s not over yet,
keep fighting.